Sunday, May 22, 2011

Rule #5: Accept that they might “not be that into you,” and be able to remain “just friends.”

There comes a point in any courtship where the possibility that the other person might “not be that into you” becomes apparent. Sometimes this can catch a person completely off guard, but if you have been reading the signs it most likely will not come as much of a shock. There are times when the chemistry is just not there. Being rejected more times than you will be accepted before you find that perfect fit is a hard fact to accept. This is the time when a person’s character is truly tested. The following are some helpful tips to help you handle this unfortunate situation with grace:

·      Keep professional in your correspondence. Much like you can tell if you were accepted into the college you applied for by the size of the envelope, you can usually tell whether you got the job (or a second date) by the form of communication the other person uses to contact you back. A phone call is almost a sure sign that you’ve “been hired” while an email is most likely the dreaded “let’s just be friends.” Whether you get turned down by phone or by email, stay positive and professional in your communication.
·      Do not respond immediately to bad news. Most likely you will be overly emotional, especially if it was a job or second date that you really wanted. Take a moment to cool off and send a response once you have a clear head. Also, don't send the first draft of the response that you write. Keep taking breaks from your response and come back and edit as you become more level headed.
·      When you do respond back, keep emotions on a neutral level. Respond back in a way that you would for any professional situation. Avoid the taboos of using highly emotional words, punctuation, and capitalization.
·     Remember, once something is written down, ESPECIALLY in email form, it is there FOREVER and cannot be taken back or erased. Now days in the age of Facebook and Twitter, people forget to refrain from speaking exactly what they are feeling and tend to respond to bad news in an overly emotional and unprofessional way, and this spills over into their professional life. This is NOT a good reflection on you. I advise to start practicing restraint while using Facebook or other Social Networking platforms to get in the habit of proper behavior both on and off line for any situation.
·      DO give a response. No response is sometimes worse than an emotional one. It gives across the perception of bitterness, which doesn’t look good on anyone.

Just because things didn’t work out the way you wanted this time around does not mean that it is the end of the road. Being rejected is the perfect opportunity to turn the negative into the positive. Just because you were not a right fit at that exact moment in time does not mean that there isn't a great possibility that you WILL be in the future.

Be the first to extend the hand of “friendship” if the other person has not already. This will show your true class and maturity and will leave a positive image of you in the other person’s mind. Doing so will help you gain a valuable contact.

Gaining this new contact is just the beginning. Make sure that you put in the effort to retain them as well. A good way of doing this is by staying in contact with them through emails that you send during important stages or transitions in your professional career. This will keep you on their radar for when an opportunity arises that they may be able to extend to you. Holidays are also a very nice opportunity to stay in touch.

Original Design by Dustin Enrique Larsen
Original Design by Dustin Enrique Larsen
There they are. My 5 rules to help land that dream job or special someone by using courtship as your guide. I hope that what I have shared is helpful for when you take on those most nerve wracking of endeavors. Click HERE to return back to "Try Courting Your Career" Main Page.    

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